My Childhood

Dear LTKP,

    Could you fill in some details about your background? Your profile is blank.

Thanks,

Daniel M. from Connecticut

Dear Daniel,

            For a while now I have been kicking around the idea of writing about my childhood because it informs so much about who I am and how I see the world. Here goes.

            My earliest memory is of the sweet smell of pancakes wafting to me as I crawl happily in my little wheel. Now, of course at that age I didn’t understand big concepts like “Electricity Generation,” all I knew was that my little bottle was just out of reach and I would be darned if I wasn’t going to get it.

            Yes, my parents worked hard to instill the value of an honest day’s work. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all work. My brother and I would wile away the summer days, playing all sorts of games of make believe. Our parents would actively encourage us. Dad take us to the public fountain and pretend to be a pirate and say, “Arrr me mateys, sail the seven seas and search for treasure at the bottom of this ocean. Then bring the booty back to me pirate cave.”   

            We were also taught to think of and care for others. A good part of our Saturdays (and sometimes Tuesdays) were spent at various blood banks donating our blood. After we were through, our parents would explain that the nurses gave us orange juice and cookies so that we could sell them from stand in front of our house. “Doing well, by doing good” was what my mom called it. I am not sure exactly what she meant. But, hey, maybe I’ll “get it” when I become a parent.

            All in all it was idyllic, the kind of childhood I hope all parents can provide for their kids.

Cheers,

Neil

Merchandise

Dear LTKP readers,

   You asked for them and now they have arrived -- Let The Kids Pay T-shirts are here and available in all sizes and colors.  Pictures of these lovely shirts are below.

   We accept all major credit cards, pay pal, and (I am very excited about this) we have an allowance instalment plan.
   Yes, you heard that right kids. I will work directly with your parents and your allowance will be sent directly to me.With five of the easy "payments", this lovely t-shirt can be yours.
   Buy one for yourself, buy one for your parents.

Enjoy,

Neil

New Year's Wishes

Dear Readers,

     This week, instead of my usual advice blog, I thought I would share a letter that was recently sent to me from a reader in Virginia. I hope you enjoy.

Best wishes for a joyous New Year,

Neil

Dear Mr. Pope,

       I am a senior citizen who served his country proudly in the South Pacific. One of my greatest joys is when my son Jeff comes over once a week with his wife, Connie, and my two beautiful granddaughters, Madison and Siri. This last week he got on the computer and dialed up your "web" "log" on the Internet. He thought I would like your take on the world so he printed a few of your columns out. I must say that I enjoyed them quite a bit.

       I typed up this note and had Jeff send it to you through the E-mail. It would be great if you could run it on you "web" "log". It is a list of some ideas I had for the New Year that I thought your readers would enjoy.

Thanks,

Sheldon Acklesburg

Fairlawn, Virginia

5 Things The Kids Should Pay For In 2012

by Sheldon Acklesburg

5. My Lawn - Those goddamn kids are always cutting through my lawn on their way home from school. After they leave, its a goddamn patchy mess. Kids, stay off my lawn.

4. The Check - Jeff, you know that I am living on a fixed income! I am not saying it has to be every time, but at least pretend like you are reaching for the bill occasionally.

3. The Movies - I go to the movies at least once a week and they should be ashamed of the price they charge. You call that a senior discount. I call it highway robbery. Movies used to be 50 cents and that included a news reel, a short, and a feature.

2. A Segway- Is that too damn much to ask for?!

1. The Donut Hole- A very nice woman from AARP explained why I am suddenly paying a fortune for some of my pills, but it is so goddamn complicated. I fought in WW2!  Just pay for my goddamn pills.

Unto the Seventh Generation

Dear LTKP,
         I've been buying 7th Generation paper products for years now, but I just recently read the back of the package and it hit me how truly profound the concept really is, that our actions today affect the world that our children and our children's children will live in. What are your thoughts?

Buyer of Seventh Generation


Dear BSG, I feel that it is never wise to live your life according to the back of a roll of toilet paper. However, I have also been giving a lot of thought to my children and my children's children. And I too have come to a profound realization--All of these years I have been sweating and toiling in the present while those free loaders are just loafing around in the future. They should be paying their fair share in the here and now.
      I've thought this way for years but only recently have I found a way to "put their money where my mouth is." Since last April, I have been borrowing money from a very nice Moldovan man using the services of my children and their children as collateral. I am not sure how the loan works exactly, but I am told that it is on the cutting edge of finance. You should look into it.

The Bat Mitzvah

Dear LTKP,
     My daughter is having her bat mitzvah in a year and a half and I am already a wreck. The other moms are spending a fortune and I just can't compete. I don't want to disappoint my little girl, what do I do?

Please help,
  
Nervous in Timonium


LTKP: Dear NIT,   First, congratulations on this milestone.   Second, don't fret. You just need to sit your little girl (soon to be a woman!) down and say, "Sweetie, with this ceremony you are becoming a woman in the eyes of the Jewish people and as a woman you're going to have to get a job." 18 months worth of earnings can go a long way toward deferring costs.
   Enjoy these moments. They go way too fast.

Out To Dinner

Dear LTKP,
    My son just got home from his first semester in college. We want to take him out and do something nice for him. Any advice?

Sincerely,

A loving father


LTKP: Well ALF, assuming that you are paying for your kid's tuition, I have two pieces of advice:

1) Stop paying for your son's tuition. Let your kid pay for it.

2) Make your kid pay for dinner.